Toad’s Weekly Assessment #42

This week has been a mixed bag and I feel like I haven’t done much in the way of proper writing as I should have. Oh well, at least I have survived another week!


Mood Score Key:

Sliding Hypomania = 1  ~ Hypomania = 2 ~  Mania = 3  ~  Baseline (My Normal) = 0

Sliding Depression = -1  ~  Depression = -2  ~  Severe Depression = -3 ~ M = Mixed State

Energy Score Key:

Low = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  High = 1

Irritation Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Anxiety Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Migraine Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A

Sleep Quality Score Key:

Bad = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  Great = 1


Special Notes for the Week

Menses Start Date: 4/10/2017

Weigh-In at Med Clinic: ~


Sunday ~ April 9, 2017

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: slept a lot off and on yesterday, went back to bed around 5 or 6am, got up at 10am – my sleep cycle is FUCKED at the moment

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • out of Topamax (I know this is the reason my sleep is fucked up right now, it is used to regulate sleep disruption and reduce night terrors in PTSD)

Meals

  • 2 cups of coffee
  • bowl of shredded wheat
  • mom cooked supper so it was something good, but I forgot to write it down – bleh

Notes

  • I feel like I’m hitting a dead end with the Nusquamton series again – fucked if I know why
  • I’m bummed and irritated the first part of Chapter 1 in Surge of the Soul Eater is still NOT doing what I want/need it to do – I may need to just finish this run of revisions first and hopefully I’ll have a better idea of what I need to do with it – starting to get the feeling it’s highly dependent on how I have the concept of fate chains work in the story – which means getting to know the aunt better *sigh*

Monday ~ April 10, 2017

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: forgot to document

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • out of Topamax (starting to not give a shit – but I know when the monster migraine hits I will regret this with the grave of my soul)

Meals

  • I ate… had coffee… think I can remember what exactly? nope
  • oh I remember now, I bought pizza from Walmart

Notes


Tuesday ~ April 11, 2017

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep:

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • out of Topamax

Meals

  • no where near the amounts of coffee I wanted
  • biscuits and gravy – some reason Mom cooked again

Notes

  • Therapy Tuesday and the only thing I could think of to talk about was the writing process and the critiquing and how I feel stuck with it right now
  • Scholar Owl had therapy at the same time, and on our way home I discussed with him the possibility of instead of going back to public school, to take GED prep courses at the night school next year as his homeschooling and just take the test – the reason I bring this up is the graduation requirements have changed and has him freaking out (even I’m not keen on the 20 hour volunteer work requirement when it isn’t clear what the time frame this needs to be meet – like is it yearly, quarterly, or during their entire high school career? and now they want these kids to prove that they are either going to higher education or have a job before they can get their diploma – sorry but I think that’s bullshit, the diploma should be based on the achievements they have already earned, not a carrot and stick maneuver based on their future) – the other concern I have is compulsory attendance ends at the age of 17 and I have the strong feeling that the high school will want him to start as a Freshman just so he can meet all of their non-academic requirements of their diploma which means in order to do that he would graduate at the age of 20 – like what the hell is that? the school won’t challenge him since we have been exposing him to college level material – I know this school district and I’ve already seen what they’ll do with my son: NOTHING – anywho, Scholar Owl gave me a non-committed response to the idea – I have no idea what this boy wants to do with his life… *sigh* legally he can drop out of school at anytime (since the age of 15 by state law) and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it, his behavior has essentially said he has for the most part – the only course he shows any solid interest in is the study unit my sister is teaching, the History of Medicine one (covers history, science, and health all in one shot – English too if you counted the writing assignments but those assignments he will barely do) and even though I keep asking him if the work is too hard or too easy I get no clear answer from him – the med clinic is telling both him and me that HE needs to be the one to take responsibility, but that isn’t always the message I get from his therapist (like giving him more structure for example)
  • IEP Meeting for Little Bear … and because the neuropsych eval report hasn’t been mailed yet like that woman promised, they put EVERYTHING on hold so the meeting was a complete fucking waste of time – so tired of this shit. THREE fucking years fighting with these people and I still can’t make head way – and this special ed direction has the fucking balls to say, “But he is at the benchmark for Kindergarten reading level now.” I damn near jumped out of my seat when I reminded her AGAIN that this is his THIRD YEAR in Kindergarten and he’s just now hitting the benchmark. Something is fucking wrong and something needs to change. Thankfully the school staff backed me up this time and showed this bitch his painfully slow progress by the fucking numbers. And even then she feeds me this bullshit line that in order for him to get an IEP he has to have a low IQ score but other proofs of cognitive dysfunction might get him in. What part of Bipolar and it’s cognitive dysfunction is she failing to understand? Even she pointed out that Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder is the pediatric diagnosis for Bipolar. Fucking hell, people are still convinced that Bipolar is ONLY about moods. It’s not. This is why it’s on the disability list for SSDI and SSI. You don’t have to prove it fucks up your ability to function because they have documentation this disorder does that already. They only look at your severity to determine if you qualify. I know it pissed this woman off when I started spouting Federal and State laws. I will not drop this. He will get the reading education he fucking needs. He’s not going to make it if he doesn’t.
  • so yeah, two boys with problems in education and my brain is on fire with irritation because I feel like I’m getting nowhere fast for them both

Wednesday ~ April 12, 2017

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: -2 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: don’t fucking know, I was tired as hell yesterday but I took no naps

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • out of Topamax

Meals

  • coffee
  • taquitos
  • slice of carrot cake

Notes

  • concerned that the Trazadone may be making Little Bear more aggressive – I haven’t noticed it but my parents AND the school have mentioned it four days after I started the med (it finally came in the mail) so I’m worried but it seems to be actually working to make him sleep the entire night (I know because I’ve been running on next to nothing just to watch him sleep)

Thursday ~ April 13, 2017

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: damned if I know, up at 6am

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • out of Topamax

Meals

  • coffee
  • spaghetti with meat sauce and butter dips

Notes

  • Scholar Owl’s 16th birthday! so I told him he gets a day off and just hang out with me today in my room – he’s on the Xbox now – promised to take him shopping after payday

Friday ~ April 14, 2017

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at a little after midnight I think, up at 6am

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • out of Topamax (need to fix this, although I’m questioning as to why the brain fog is still around… well not as bad, but still there just the same – my brain doesn’t feel like it’s working the way it was in college and that was only 3 years ago)

Meals

  • coffee
  • leftover biscuits
  • slice of carrot cake

Notes

  • Finally got brave enough to post “The Demons That We Become” on Scribophile for critiques and get it polished

Saturday ~ April 15, 2017

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: -1 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 1am, up at 6am – slept off and on all day after that

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • out of Topamax (part of me still doesn’t give a fuck – I probably ought to be concerned with this seeming I can’t identify the mood cycle I’m in, but my behavior that I’m tracking here tells me it’s not normal)

Meals

  • coffee
  • 2 Cotto salami and cheese sandwiches on wheat
  • 1 slice of carrot cake with cream cheese frosting
  • 1 hot dog on wheat

Notes

  • scheduled two short stories on the Chaos Pen that have been run through Scribophile – since they were originally posted on my LiveJournal account, they are considered published already so they aren’t likely to be published anywhere else – but these were the two pieces I posted to test to see if it was my writing or me responding poorly to crits on other work since these two pieces had already gone through the wringer in college with face-to-face crits – I’m glad I did, I reaffirmed to myself that I am a writer plus I now have two pieces that I feel are better than before

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2 thoughts on “Toad’s Weekly Assessment #42

    1. I will admit that since I’ve started posting them up here, that I did skip one week. I didn’t bother to write anything down. Not sure why. I think it was the week before this one. I know that the couple of weeks before and this week it’s been feeling like a pain in the ass. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m running around without my meds, or just what it is. A part of me says I should be worried. Another part of me is sliding into “fuck it mode” with it all.

      Liked by 1 person

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