Irritation and Monday Rantings

Mom and Dad had another spiffing match tiff of some kind last night. This time it was over a fucking cutting board. Whatever. I don’t get it.

What pisses me off is that it never fails, Mom will get upset and then take it out on my boys with raising her voice at them and nit-picking over the dumbest shit – things that my boys have always been that way and now suddenly it’s a problem.

Especially at the damn dinner table. Why is she policing their plates all of a sudden when her and I went over this years ago. It hasn’t been a problem for years. Now it is. “Eat more of your food before I give you a drink (or another one).” Like what. the. fuck? This is something I have NEVER required from my boys.

Nothing worse than feeling you have something stuck in your throat and being told you can’t have a drink. Fuck that shit. I don’t remember growing up that way, but now it’s a fucking rule?

And then she jumps Little Bear’s shit about it almost being bed time when he asks for some of the candy that she JUST FUCKING GAVE TO MY BROTHER’S KIDS.

She doesn’t raise her voice to his son and she practically ignores his daughter. Scholar Owl only gets spoken to from her when she wants him to do something for her. And she is quick to pick over the behaviors of my youngest two. And my other sister’s (not Piggie) kids might as well as walk on fucking water. I don’t even know how to describe what it is I see with the way she treats Piggie’s daughter. I just know it seems like she’s not even listening.

But she doesn’t have separate rules for each kid? And every time I mention it to Dad, he confirms this shit is happening but then minimizes it and tells me I need to let it go and it’s no big deal, etc. etc. etc. ETC.

Like what the fuck? Is this the way I grew up and somehow I just conveniently forgot? Why did it take me until now to see this shit? And more importantly – like I asked Dad this – if the boys and I are such a disruption to her then why the fuck did she push for us to move in there with them? Dad had no answer for me. Just more dismissals.

I’m tired of the boys and I taking the brunt of this shit. And I’m tired of being verbally struck down for doing nothing more than asking to be treated like a human – a fucking person. Heaven forbid I do that. This part I do remember from childhood. I was always over reacting, or being unreasonable, or imagining things.

It also pisses me off that the entire time growing up – and even now – it’s okay to gripe about Dad and say whatever it is you need to, but you’ll get fire and brimstone if you so much as breathe against Mom. I’m allowed to say I hate the things Dad says or does but I can’t even hint the same about Mom? I call bullshit. She’s no fucking saint and I’m sick of being expected to treat her as such.

I’m tired of it all. Yes, I could just move out but that doesn’t resolve the underlying issue between my mother and I. Why is it that no matter how hard I try to bridge the gap and communicate with her to build a better relationship I’m rebuffed at best? But she has more than once expressed her displeasure over how well Dad and I get along. Work with me and I’ll work with you but this bullshit of taking it upon yourself to do things for me when I didn’t ask for it and then complain that I do nothing is just that: fucking bullshit. Punishing me or my boys whenever you are angry with your husband is fucking bullshit too. Quit the bullshit between us and our relationship will improve by leaps and bounds.

Try to convince her of that though…


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