A Monday Lurking in the Icy Rain

I woke up at 3am with a level 2 migraine. My immediate concern was that it would get worst and progress to a level 3. As it was it’s been all I can do all day to function. I’ve spent most of the day today in bed waiting for oblivion to just take me and be done with it.

I at least remembered to say something to my parents but I hate it because I know they have stuff of their own to do and deal with. And of course today was a day that Little Bear had to be difficult. The “I’m just going to ping off the ceiling and do whatever I feel like” kind of day. Nobody likes it when Little Bear has a day like that and it doesn’t matter who is stuck with crisis control: his bullshit has a way of spilling onto everyone. Not to mention I feel like I’m failing as a parent here when I’m like this.

And the best part in all of this was? There was no public school today because of the icy roads but I didn’t know that until after I got the boys ready and out the door to wait for the bus. It wasn’t until 7:25am rolled around that I realized that I may have missed out on key information here. Which really sucked because getting these boys ready this morning was hell in the first place.

Tuxedo Cat reacted to his bath water like I was trying to boil him alive – which my father found amusing but at least was kind enough to wait until this afternoon to express that. I told him I don’t know what my son’s issue was. I know I tested that water with the inside of my wrist like I always do but he started screeching like a banshee when it came time to get into the tub. So I told him to add cold water. What’s he do? Turns it on and shuts it off in like maybe 3 seconds and expects the tub water to be colder just like that. Dude, that’s not how it works. At all.

Meanwhile Little Bear doesn’t want to wake up, doesn’t want to get up, doesn’t want to get dressed, and when he finally does it’s time to get out the door and that’s when he wants to eat breakfast and pitches a fit when I tell him he’s just going to have to get it at school like he always does. His response? Full on rebellion.

I’m lucky I got either one of them out the door. On time no less!

So after all of that I then find out we’re stuck with these two in their most joyful state all damn day. There would be no school with their rigid routine to reset whatever the hell is going on that put them in this mode. Tuxedo Cat did eventually chill out. I did get around to setting up the Xbox 360 in my bedroom and I gave him the greenlight to play on it today so he puttered around on the Portal game to his heart’s content. No idea what it is about that game but it did the trick for him.

I wish I could say the same for Little Bear. Seemed like everything wound him up more. It took giving him his Benadryl at 7pm and now it is almost 9pm and he’s finally calming down. Not sleepy like he ought to be but more like what you expect to see a child in a classroom. This concerns me. Especially since before dinner he carried on obsessively about flying – as in on his own without a machine or device – and kept running around trying to launch himself. I realize that children like to play and that active imaginations are good BUT… this child… this is the child that has tried more than once to launch himself out of a second story window with similar talk like that. So yes, I worry because it’s not always just pretend with him. All I can do is just watch like a hawk and wait and see how far he tries to take it. I want to let him play like the little boy he is but I can’t just close my eyes to reality of the illness.

It’s exhausting on the best of days. But today was not that day. All I could do today was hoist up that white flag and pray that we survive. Survive we did. I’m calling it a win.

I hope your day went better. ❤

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16 thoughts on “A Monday Lurking in the Icy Rain

      1. oh yeah if it’s for aggression then it wouldn’t apply. Maybe you could talk to them about if it is something you could use for when he’s like that. I really don’t like hearing that you’re seeing things that flag you for the times that he was as unsafe as before. And you should trust those flags. If you say to yourself “these are the things I was seeing when he was trying to jump out windows” then it is time to be concerned for sure.

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    1. And the other thing about his PRN is it tends to knock him off his ass. =/ So it always boils down to where do you draw the line? I feel if it hadn’t been for my migraine this would have been better managed. I don’t feel it’s fair or right to medicate a child because of a parent’s condition. In the same token I am painfully aware that he was more than what Dad could handle today.

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      1. Not good to knock him on his ass either. Got to be something that meets in the middle for sure. And if you really think the issue was where the adults were rather then where he was then, yeah not the time for a PRN. Those are all pieces that you have to assess. But it all comes down to the final and most important question: “can you keep him safe?” As long as you can, then things are good and then everything else are things that can be dealt with when you are feeling better.

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      2. We kept him safe yesterday. It just flagged me is all and the fact that I feel like Mom and Dad were doing that guilt tripping shit again. I don’t know what’s going on with me. I feel sick. Really sick. Like knocked off my ass sick. And this is how they respond every time it happens. Even when we were kids I felt like I wasn’t allowed to be sick and now that I have children of my own the feeling is even worse.

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