First Step of Self (Re)Discovery

I found this article and found it interesting. I do feel as though I have lost a part of myself. Perhaps it would be good to start a self reflection series of posts in an effort to rediscover myself, starting with this one.

26 Questions To Help You Know Yourself Better

  1. What are my strengths?
    • Honest
    • Determined
    • Planner
    • Thoughtful
    • Curious
    • Life-Time Student
    • Pro-Active
    • Helpful
    • Compassionate
    • Truth Seeking
  2. What are my short-term goals? Long-term goals?
    • Short-Term Goals
      • Complete the NAMI respite paperwork for my youngest
      • Complete the homeschool portfolio for my oldest
      • Get the neuropsych eval scheduled for my youngest
      • Get the car inspected
      • Get caught up on housework
      • Restore the use of the visual routine for the family
      • Decide what I’m going to do with my marriage and act on it
      • Find a better apartment than the one we are living in
    • Long-Term Goals
      • Reclaim my life on my terms
      • Live a life worth living every day
  3. Who matters most to me? Who are my support people?
    • My three sons matter the most to me
    • My support people are:
      • The staff at the mental health hospital
      • My parents
      • My sister
      • The support groups I’m in on Facebook
  4. What am I ashamed of?
    • My husband and the kind of person he is
    • The fact that I currently don’t completely have my shit together
    • The fact that I feel trapped in this marriage and feel paralyzed by it
  5. What do I like to do for fun?
    • Play video games
    • Read anything that strikes my interest
    • Writing about whatever comes to mind
    • Learning about whatever strikes my fancy
    • Spending time with my siblings and cousin (looking at you Stinky!)
  6. What new activities am I interested in or willing to try?
    • I would like to go bowling more often, although it’s not new
    • Bought the stuff for Zen Tangle Art, but haven’t started yet – I need to
    • Again it’s not really new, but I would like to try drawing or sketching again
    • Any form of art really would be nice
    • Taking up an instrument again would be nice too – I really miss the flute
  7. What am I worried about?
    • I’m worried that the state will deem me unfit because of my mental illness and take my children away from me
    • I’m worried that I will fail my children as a parent
    • I’m worried that we will never see my youngest son be stabilized
    • I’m worried that my oldest son will become destabilized
    • I’m worried that I won’t prepare my middle son enough for a life without me
    • I’m worried that I will never find balance and peace in my life again
    • I’m worried that I will remain disconnected from the rest of the world
  8. What are my values? What do I believe in? (consider politics, religion, social issues)
    • I believe that all human beings are intelligent individuals capable of independent thought and unique emotion who deserve to be treated with respect, dignity, and compassion in all things, in all places, and at all times.
      • It is this that guides me in everything.
      • I don’t go to church any more.
      • I don’t typically register in any political party.
    • I value honesty, directness, and truth.
  9. If I could have one wish, it would be ___________
    • Just one wish? That’s very limiting… very well… I wish I could be allowed to feel free to be just myself, whatever form that happens to be in that moment.
  10. Where do I feel safest?
    • No where really comes to mind sadly. Even though my family members are my real life village they are a gamble. Not even my own home feels truly safe since the unsolved trespass we had a year ago.
  11. What or who gives me comfort?
    • Coffee
    • Cigarettes – yes… I smoke and I’m a parent. Back. The. Fuck. Off. There are far worse things I could be doing as a parent.
    • My Lou Rankin frog plushie named Herbert
    • Going out to eat because it reminds me of the younger days of when I waited on tables, as much as it sucked sometimes it also brought me joy
    • Oddly, my second son’s biological father – I would never date him again but we are friends in a professional sort of way and he is always consistent and predictable, the same way my son is
    • Playing Final Fantasy 11 – it will be a very sad day when those servers shut down and I will have to say good bye to my Tarutaru Beastmaster Toadie
  12. If I wasn’t afraid, I would ___________
    • I don’t know… maybe run far away some where with my boys to live off the grid
  13. What is my proudest accomplishment?
    • Maintaining a GPA above a 3.0 in college even when people said I wouldn’t make it
  14. What is my biggest failure?
    • Dropping out of college when I was only two courses away from my degree
  15. Am I a night owl or an early bird? How can I arrange my life to better suit this part of my nature?
    • I am a night owl by nature, have been since birth according to my mother
    • Sadly not all of my children are night owls so this cannot be done
  16. What do I like about my job? What do I dislike?
    • Right now I am a full-time stay home parent
    • When I was in the work force I worked in the food service industry
    • I enjoy food and for the most part I enjoy people so this brought both together
    • Unfortunately, people can be real assholes when it comes to how they treat those in the service industry
  17. What does my inner critic tell me?
    • That depends on my mood cycle
      • depressive state: I’m a failure and I can’t do anything right
      • hypomanic state: I’m a genius and I can’t do anything wrong
    • I need to be constantly self-aware to take myself with a grain of salt
  18. What do I do to show myself self-compassion and self-care?
    • Remind myself to rest even when my brain doesn’t want it
    • Remind myself I deserve the rest when my body says I need it
    • Remind myself I deserve respite and to not feel guilty about taking time away from the boys regardless of whatever anyone happens to say about it
  19. Am I an introvert or an extrovert? Am I energized being around others or being by myself?
    • I believe I am an introvert that has been trained to behave like an extrovert
  20. What am I passionate about?
    • The well-being and happiness of my sons
    • Mental wellness
    • The equality of people in general
    • Really good food
  21. What is my happiest memory?
    • Camping in Alaska as a child
    • Seeing the Northern Lights in Alaska as a child
    • Watching the moonlight sparkle off the snow in Alaska as a child
    • Being able to hold each of my sons for the first time
  22. What do my dreams tell me?
    • I don’t remember them anymore
  23. What is my favorite book? Movie? Band? Food? Color? Animal?
    • I really hate listing favorites… seems so… I don’t know, invasive I guess? Besides, do I really have to choose just one?
      • Book: Fiction
      • Movie: Action/Adventure
      • Band: Metal/Rock
      • Food: I’m adventurous to a point
      • Color: Soft/Natural colors
      • Animal: Frog/Toad
  24. What am I grateful for?
    • That I’m not dead and I still have my kids
  25. When I’m feeling down I like to ___________________
    • Help other people if I can
    • Escape through reading or play video games
    • Maybe even sleep if my brain and body will let me
  26. I know I’m stressed when I ______________________
    • Start to swear a lot, my grammar and spelling goes down the toilet, and best of all the pressured speech really comes out in full force. If I’m lucky I will still makes sense when I speak or write.
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