Toad’s Weekly Assessment #1

I think that unless it’s a BIG event in my life, I will just have a newsletter of sorts listing out highlights of the day each week. I’m thinking it might be a good way to keep track of my mood, just not sure how I want to do that yet. I just know that I plan to post these on Fridays.

Not sure what else I will do for my other posts. Maybe give each day a theme? I’m thinking Monday might be a “Word Vomit” weekly writing exercise: 15 minutes of stream of thought, anything goes. We’ll see. No promises. It’s just good to be writing.


Monday’s Highlights ~ June 13th

Mood: Annoyed Toad ~ Score: 0 ~ Irritation: 1

We had no running water in the apartment – like at all by 9:30am. I called the landlord about it and he seemed… snarky about it for some reason. Said he would look into it. I cancelled the appointments at the hospital I had for the day I could be home for that, but no one showed up. Water wasn’t back on until almost 4pm. No idea what happened.

Got a letter from DHHS in response from the paperwork that the hospital helped my fill out for the Katie Beckett waiver a month or so ago. They want all kinds of paperwork by the 21st that I know was already sent with the waiver forms. So if they wanted all this by the 21st, why are they just getting around to telling me now?


Tuesday’s Highlights ~ June 14th

Mood: Hopeful Toad ~ Score: 0 ~ Irritation: 0

Second son’s last day of public school. Finally done for another we year. We survived and he’s done well! On to 8th grade for him. My oldest wants to continue with homeschooling and I have no idea whether to homeschool my youngest or to continue to fight for an IEP at the public school and pray he makes it through a full year.

My youngest had a med clinic appointment and we increased his Lamictal from 0.5mg twice a day to 0.5mg in the morning and 1mg at night. He’s improving but still has a long ways to go. He goes back in two months from now.

My oldest had a therapy appointment that day as well and we reviewed his treatment goals. He is making progress. The teen years are rough for anyone, but are hard for those with Bipolar in particular. I’m so relieved and pleased to see and hear he is gaining the self-awareness of his moods and developing the coping skills now that will benefit him the rest of his life. It’s giving him several decades of a head start than what I had and I’m grateful.


Wednesday’s Highlights ~ June 15th

Mood: Uneasy Toad ~ Score: -1 ~ Irritation: 0

Everyone slept in but me. Ever since the Special Olympics I’ve been waking up around 5:30am. Don’t know why, but I have been enjoying that extra space and time of quiet. Especially right now because this week I have been feeling myself slipping downward into a darker place. I know the Orlando shooting happened. My Facebook wall has been flooded with it. A part of me has been trying not to process it. I don’t know if that’s why I’m slipping over to the depression side of my mood spectrum. Maybe. Maybe it’s hormones too. Thankfully no migraines this cycle. Just an all over malaise.


Thursday’s Highlights ~ June 16th

Mood: Tired Toad ~ Score: -1 ~ Irritation: 0

Letting the boys sleep in was a mistake. They stayed up too late the night before. Now their sleep pattern will be messed up again for awhile. At least I got to enjoy another quiet morning.

Had my oldest walk to the store next door to pick up a jug of milk and a box of cereal late that morning. I’ll be damned if that wasn’t all eaten by the evening. Every time I turned around one of them was snacking on a bowl of cereal. Why do I bother buying other groceries? lol

I spent the entire day sitting at my desk, reading. I couldn’t even bring myself to play a video game – not even Minecraft. I have three other partially written drafts waiting for me to finish if I can declutter my brain long enough to do it. I wanted nothing more than to lay down on the couch and sleep, but didn’t dare to because of my youngest son.


Friday’s Highlight’s ~ June 17th

Mood: Exhausted Toad ~ Score: -1 ~ Irritation: 0

Feels like a repeat of yesterday although I did start up a custom terrain project on Minecraft using World Painter instead of reading on the internet all day. I believe I need to give myself a break from the news.

I did finally get through the robo-system at the DHHS main office to speak to a live person, but big surprise I called the wrong department. I didn’t want the application office I wanted their long term care office. At least the guy I got didn’t completely bump me off. He gave me an extension to my application and said he emailed the correct department instructing them of the issue, that they need to investigate my file, and contact me with its status. I thought that someone was suppose to call me back today. No one did. No surprise there. I guess I will call back Monday, wade through the robo-system again, aim for the long term care department, and pray like hell I get a live person.

As usual the boys wanted to go out to eat so we went to their favorite restaurant over in the nearby town. Spoke with the chef for a bit and mentioned how I really liked the eggs Benedict last Sunday. He gave me a heads up that he uses a splash of lemon in the sauce. @_@ I thanked him. I’m allergic to oranges and grapefruit to the point I have an immediate reaction, but lemons and limes seem to be iffy. I do feel better by avoiding all citrus. It’s a bummer because that dish was truly awesome.

I had to take my youngest out for a walk while the other two boys finished eating not because he was being bad, but because he was starting to amp up. I knew if I tried to fight with him and tried to make him stop, the bad behavior would kick in. So instead I took him outside and just let him play for a little bit. Before we went back in I reminded him what I expected of him and told him if he didn’t behave there would be no video games tonight. He did pretty good, for a 6-year-old. Much, much better than he would have done back when he was on the old cocktail of meds and you might as well forget it back when he was on nothing.

Yet, here we are back home and now I’m exhausted and every damn joint in my body hurts like someone took a bat to me. Not. Fair. Wouldn’t it make more sense to feel this way back when my youngest was going through hell? Or has my body always felt this way and my brain was too sick with worry back then and I didn’t notice until now that I’m starting to relax?

Either way it sucks and I’m wishing I could drink something stronger than coffee. I may break out a half glass of wine anyway and pray it doesn’t mess with my head too much. I really don’t like brain fog. At all. But I don’t like pain either.

I still need help sorting out and finishing the NAMI respite paperwork they sent me after approving my youngest for services. I think my body today is telling me how important it is to get this shit done. I guess I should have called their main office today too. Not much of this month left and I still have no idea how this system works. Pretty sad to know that the first respite day I get will be spent sleeping far away somewhere.

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